GATHER ROUND AND HEAR ME

PLACEHOLDER

GATHER AROUND BAGS OF FLESH AND PEPTIDES FOR I HAVE A TALE AS OLD AS TIME ITSELF, A STORY OF A NAKED-SCALPED LANCASTRIAN ENGINEER, THE LACTIC-ACID DEVOURING ANTIHERO WALLACE AND HIS FAITHFUL AND OFTEN VERY MUCH ILL-FATED COMPANION, GROMIT, WHO IS BURDENED WITH A PERENNIAL BUT NONETHELESS PROFOUND KNOWLEDGE THAT ENTAILS HE MUST NEVER SPEAK

IT WAS UPON A SPRING NIGHT IN THE LATE 1980S THAT WALLACE HAD CONTEMPLATED A LOCATION WHEREAT HE AND HIS RELUCTANT POOCH GROMIT WOULD PRCURE MORE FERMENTED MILK OF BOVIDS TO DEVOUR GLEEFULLY AND RUB HIS STOMACH AS THE ENZYMES OF HIS BODY ADHERE TO THEIR CALL TO ACTION BUT ALAS THE DESTRUCTION BOUND WALLACE HAD ENTOMBED HIMSELF IN HIS SAD STALE NUMBNESS THAT SEEPED FROM HIS EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION OF DAIRY PRODUCTS

GROMIT COULD NOT SPEAK, FOR IT WAS WRONG FOR HIM TO DO SO. HE HAD BEEN GIVEN A MYRAID OF TREASURESFROM THE BEGINNING OF HIS PRESENT FORM ON EARTH BUT GAVE UP HIS AUTONOMY IN DOING SO, HE LOOKED ON IN ABJECT HORROR AND WAS CRESTFALLEN AS WALLACE DECLARED THAT HE, THAT THEY, MUST ASCEND INTO THE INKY NIGHT SKY AND MAKE THE PILGRAMAGE TO THE SPHERE OF A LONG DEAD BEING THAT IS ENCRUSTED WITH AMINO ACIDS AND NOTHING MORE

WALLACE INSCRIBED UPON THE CHEMICALLY PROCESSED HARDWOOD MULCH HE HAD PURCHASED FROM WOOLWORTHS EARLIER THAT DAY HIS PROPHETIC VISION THAT WOULD BIRTH THE MISADVENTURE TO THE MILK GLOBE IN THE SKY THAT GAZED BACK UPON HIM. FOR HOURS WALLACE WOULD SPEND MANY NIGHTS SCREAMING AT THE LACTATED SATELLITE IN THE HOPE OF BEING HEARD, BUT ALAS THE ONLY RESPONSE HE RECEIVED WERE A HOARSE, BLEEDING THROAT THAT GAVE AN UNAMBIGUOUS RESPONSE TO HIS CALLS

THE TREMENDOUS JOURNEY BEGAN, AS WALLACE