The vocalisations of a bugfox, transcribed to digital text
Here you will find some written pieces by me, the bugfox custodian of this Digital Forest, ranging from musings about special interests, short narratives, stream-of-consciousness fun and many intermediates between the aforementioned!
Please note that any titles with this warning symbol (
) indicate potentially sensitive subject matter; do heed the provided content warnings in these instances.
Mother
Content Warning: Details of animal death.
We are inherently cursed beings from the start
We came from a battle-torn mother, from a species forged by the parade of monstrous gods that came before us
Upon an ever-shifting carved clay effigy our ancestral pilgrims came and conquered
A gaping wound. A symbol of false serenity so thoroughly draped in the ornamentation of fallen imperialist leaders
We emerge from the nurturing sac and leave behind everything we were implored to believe was the truth
Our mother sits upon the throne forged from the deaths of the many that came before her. From her hollow frosted eyes of chitin, what lies beyond…?
She begins to collapse as what could have been, what is and what will be encrust her cephalothorax
Our mother has reached the end, and thus our brood of noble eaters will see her off and assure her that an ending is allowed to be tragic, however inevitable. A universal symbol that can’t be stained by the garish place we called home
My siblings and I wish her farewell with our venom and enzymes
Perhaps the response of the chelicerae piercing her frail, soft cephalothorax was her response
But, what did our tired old mother really say…?
Commentary on Mother
The above poem (or poem-adjacent piece) was based on the phenonemon of matriphagy, a process in certain animals in which the offspring consume their mother at an early stage in their life cycle. It is a process observed in a number of arthropods especially, with it being integral to the life cycle of a number of social spider species, including Stegodyphus dumicola, the subject of this written piece. I find the process of matriphagy to be extremely fascinating, and invariably tinged with a poignant sense of tragic beauty.
Treatment for an Untitled Episode of The Simpsons
Content Warning: details of injury and mild gore.
Milhouse is alone because his parents ran into the nearby forest after hearing the sound of every single advert that ever has and will exist played at once echo from deep inside it. Milhouse becomes happy because Luann and Kirk vanished whilst he spent four hours staring longingly at an old 1980s print ad of a microwave, but then Bart becomes worried for Milhouse because he finds him clawing at an unconscious Comic Book Guy's face. Promptly using a makeshift pocket-size liposuction tool, Milhouse begins to violently extract some visceral fat from Comic Book Guy.
Bart ends up inviting Milhouse back to his home out of concern for his wellbeing, and on the way to the Simpson family's abode Milhouse explains that he had recurring dreams every single night involving himself exploring some form of calcified, arid hell that was seemingly deserted. As the dreams went on the narrative progressed, with Milhouse learning that the realm he was in was the innards of a dying creature that desperately wanted nourishment, but lost their limbs an unfathomable number of years prior.
It was then, Milhouse explains to Bart, that it was Milhouse's duty to feed the dying creature, as he was promised unspeakable contentment and riches by the creature if he brings him deposits of human fat. Bart seems somewhat shaken by this revelation, and says nothing for the rest of their walk to the house; he briefly started humming the Scottish folk ballad John Barleycorn in a quiet manner, but stopped immediately when Milhouse made eye contact with him.
Upon arrival, Bart and Milhouse discover that Marge has gained the ability to extend her neck indefinitely, expressing a great degree of enthusiasm about "being above everyone else"; Homer* is cautiously optimistic about this development, and then notices Milhouse inspecting the abundance of Comic Book Guy's lipids in the pocket liposuction tool he is so enamoured by. Homer attempts to take the tool from Milhouse, who then makes some autotuned noises in anger and does a backflip, deliberately shattering Homer's nose in the process. Homer becomes upset because Abe Simpson told him "on his wedding day" that if his nose was severely damaged, he would immediately reincarnate into a glass orb that is buried in a landfill upon his death.
Bart is visibly taken aback by the actions of Milhouse, who then grabs the liposuction tool and, without looking at his trajectory, runs into Marge, who is extending her neck. She topples over, but in the process of falling down and bringing about the end of all things (through the cataclysmic impact of the velocity of which she was falling with her indefinitely-extending neck), grabs Milhouse by a fleshy scruff in his neck. They collapse, and dust encrusts Springfield (cue an unnecessarily long montage of every single character** in the show looking onward to the dust and their reactions). About five hours of footage of murky water is then shown, then abruptly cutting to footage of Milhouse, now as a head superimposed over the cephalothorax of a spider-like animal, finds the liposuction tool, and grabs it in his mouth; he looks up to the unrecognisable, cold sky, and realises that he was duped; he couldn't help the dying creature.
Solemnly, Milhouse breaks open the liposuction tool and begins devouring the untouched lipids inside.
Credits music: A 1 hour-long breakcore music compilation video ripped from YouTube.
*All of Homer's voice lines in this episode would be voiced by whoever it is that currently does the voiceovers for the UK McDonald's adverts; I don't know his name but he comes across as an annoying fucker who probably once unironically wore a "Knock-Off Nigel buys knock-off DVDS" T-shirt.
**Celebrities playing themselves are not here, because THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD BECAUSE FUCK CELEBRITY CULTURE URGH, GO CRY ABOUT HOW LITTLE CHEF IS A DEFUNCT RESTAURANT CHAIN AND YOU'LL NEVER TASTE THE NUANCES OF THEIR MICROWAVED BREAKFASTS EVER AGAIN!!!!
Commentary on the above Simpsons-related shit
Seriously though, I don't watch the show much further at all beyond season 8; I watch episodes from seasons 3-6 most days when I eat dinner in the evening, as early episodes of The Simpsons are a big piece of comfort media for me. I do get lowkey annoyed if I come across clips from the much more recent scenes, because you can pretty much instantly tell that they've shoehorned some celebrity shithead into the script by the designs of the characters in the scene having a semi-realistic look and cheekbones, uergh. Bring back the overbites and large eyes, fuck celebrity worship culture!!!